"Mom, I'm sorry, it's my decision." "Why can't I do anything?"In recent years, a number of teenage suicides have aroused public concern, and the last words that some children leave behind for the world reflect their little-known inner pain and entanglements。

　　According to the "China National Mental Health Development Report (2019-2020)", the detection rate of depression among adolescents in 2020 was 24.In 6%, the detection rate of major depression was 7.4%。"Young people also know the taste of sorrow", adolescent mental health problems have become an important test in their growth。

　　Usually clever, sensible, obedient children, how can suddenly want to take things too hard?Good grades, more specialties, and good popularity, why are these external "auras" not enough to support their happy life?Before the last straw comes, all the pressure stacking is really no trace can be found?Sweep away the dust of their hearts, perhaps by going into their hearts。

The "good boy" inner B side

　　"I can't believe it!When learning that her daughter in grade three was diagnosed with severe depression, a mother sighed with regret while crying to a psychological counselor。She has read a lot of books on parenting since she was pregnant, and her daughter has been obedient and well-behaved since she was a child, but the sudden four words of "severe depression" suddenly subverted the previous cognition, and her so-called "scientific parenting" concept also seemed to become ironic。

　　The mother's response is not unique, for the child's depressive state and even suicide choice, many parents' first reaction is surprised and confused: obviously listen to their parents at home, good at self-management, excellent performance in school "good children", how suddenly depressed?

　　A child who once talked to Zhang Lishan, an expert in adolescent psychology and a psychological teacher in Tianjin Yaohua Middle School, told the inner B side of the "good children" : Since childhood, I have been asked for a variety of things, to humble my younger brothers and sisters, bear the expectations of my parents, be a good teacher's little assistant, and become a model for the class。When I have emotions, I tell myself to be patient。"It occurred to me that if I wanted to live, I would have to be patient until the day came when I no longer craved life..."To this day, Zhang Lishan still remembers the most intuitive impression of the child - a face of sorrow。

　　Academic pressure under the "chicken baby" trend, Internet and campus violence, adolescent sensitivity and thinking, conflicted parent-child relationship...In fact，The inner world of teenagers is not always carefree and quiet，Any little thing that seems insignificant，Can be a trigger for psychological crisis，Pressures at different levels, genetic and environmental, add up，It can also make the depression gradually grow。

　　The true monologue of "good kids" tells us that negative emotions are not absent, but they tend to choose to suppress them。Behind the silence, there may be communication barriers in parent-child, teacher-student relations。According to China Youth Daily's "Freezing Point Weekly", Xu Shihai, who often lurks in the "dating death group" of young people, mentioned that more than one young person has told him that there is almost no outlet for daily troubles。An 18-year-old boy told him that he rarely revealed his heart to others, his parents felt that he was free from food and clothing, and his teachers often scolded him。All this made him more and more self-doubtful and sensitive。"They have been repressed for so long," Mr. Xu said, "like a gasoline drum that has already been filled with oil and just needs a spark to detonate it.。”

　　Excessive binding of social responsibility，It can also make it difficult to express true emotions: some "good kids" are reluctant to talk about pain，Just too polite，Too considerate of others，You worry that talking about your pain will cause trouble for others.Some kids think，Those good performances are not because they want to be，It's to please adults;Still others think，Your "dissatisfaction" is wrong，Filled with remorse...To some extent，"Sensible" is only an illusory appearance after repressing discontent。

　　However, in the view of Chen Zhiyan, a professor at the Institute of Psychology of the Chinese Academy of Sciences, blocking the channel for help will make people vulnerable and increase the risk of psychological crisis。For young people, suppressing negative emotions, all by self-digestion, it is easy to fall into too absolute, black and white thinking path, and even do not belong to their own responsibilities。For example, some children may think that their parents often quarrel is all their responsibility, or hope to study hard in order to "exchange" family harmony。"I am not good" has become a typical cognitive misunderstanding that makes many teenagers fall into psychological crisis step by step。

Heart dust, everything really so sudden？

　　When the child bluntly "living is not interesting", do you habitually look around and talk about him?When your child repeatedly asks to change schools and thinks he "can't do anything," do you just say "don't think so much"?

　　In fact, the mental health crisis of adolescents is not a cold day, from the emergence of negative emotions, to depression, to the initiation of suicidal thoughts, at every stage, they will have some abnormal performance worthy of attention。In other words, it didn't all come out of the blue.。

　　Fei Lipeng, an expert who has studied suicide in China for decades, pointed out that 90 percent of suicides show obvious signs in advance。"Look at the child's arm。Zhang Lishan, who has been engaged in psychological counseling for 28 years, believes that teenagers often have some signs before suicide, such as finding various reasons not to go to school, depression, a sharp reduction in food intake, and self-harming behaviors such as picking fingers and arms to bleed。Therefore, parents and schools should be good at detecting such signals, rather than ignoring them。

　　In addition, "people who really want to commit suicide will not say it" is also a common misconception。"50 Questions about Mental Health in Everyday Life" points out that people are often more willing to believe that a person who expresses suicidal thoughts is not "serious", and this intentional or unintentional optimism and neglect can prevent us from timely help for those who are deep in pain and want to kill themselves。

　　Instead of paying attention to the problem after it gradually worsens, people should pay more attention to the child and understand their psychological state in time。"I'm so stupid," "I'm lucky to be successful," "My popularity will never be good."According to Chen Zhiyan, when children show a serious underestimation of themselves and pessimism about the future, they are actually at risk of depression。At this time, schools and parents should be vigilant and lead their children to seek professional help if necessary。

　　"It's the good guys or the bad guys?As many children will issue this sentence of "soul torture" when watching TV dramas, due to the limited cognitive ability of teenagers, the cognition of things may have a tendency to simplify and absolutize, which is easy to make minors fall into the vortex of negative emotions。

　　In Chen Zhiyan's view, the lack of dialectical thinking is often due to the insufficient guidance and stimulation given by the growing environment。In daily education, children should be guided to understand the problem objectively and comprehensively from different aspects such as advantages and disadvantages。In particular, she said, "modesty is not the same as killing the truth."。For example, the exam is very successful, of course, thanks to the teacher's education and parents' supervision, but the child should realize that this is mainly because of their serious preparation and calm answer。If it is clear that you have achieved good results, but think that it is entirely due to luck, and you actually have no ability, it is obviously an excessive underestimate of self-worth。

How to help children out of trouble

　　Many children who lack self-confidence and are depressed and insecure have parents who love to turn the "harbor" into a "battlefield.。In the movie Lady Bird，The heroine's mother is a typical example of "not easy to talk" : the child says he wants to go to a more cultured place，My mother would say, "How did I raise you as a pretentious and elegant person?"The child hopes to apply to universities on the East Coast of the United States，His mother sneered, "You won't get into the school there anyway.，You can't even get your driver's license."。But unlike the heroine in the film who finally chose to jump out of the car to show resistance, in real life, most "good children" will only lose their trust in adults in their hearts, and then silently close the door to communication。

　　"If it takes 10 psychological counseling sessions to solve a child's problem, in many cases, parents need to come seven times。Zhang Lishan in her "Puberty is not confused - written for boys and girls spiritual growth book" said that to improve the state of adolescent depression, parents are valuable emotional resources, if the family can provide enough warmth and support, it can help children resist a lot of external stimulation and pressure。However, Zhang Lishan found that many parents are unwilling to change their problematic values, emotional management and communication mode, which makes it difficult for children to rebuild trust with parents, and even "drag down" the solution of the problem.。

　　Once, a child because of depression and can not focus on learning, Zhang Lishan told the child's mother: "Your child is not lazy, is sick, converted into a limb disease, like a comminced fracture, so now don't force him.。But when the parent came home, he sighed and cried to the child, "You have tortured me to death." "Please, study hard."。Doing so will only cause greater psychological pressure on the child。

　　Zhang Lishan suggested that in communication with children, parents and teachers should know how to observe the expression and reaction of children when speaking。If you find obvious emotional changes, it is necessary to guide the child to express their emotions, rather than at every turn to fully refute and deny the child's views and feelings。Chen Zhiyan also believes that "parents should learn to save appropriately and regardless", believe that children will slowly grow up and mature, and do not have to rush to evaluate or guide them。

　　In recent years, the state has paid more and more attention to the psychological problems of adolescents, and more and more primary and secondary schools have set up psychological counseling rooms and popular courses。On September 11, 2020, the National Health Commission issued the "Work Plan for Exploring Depression Prevention and Treatment Characteristics", and established that by 2022, the public's awareness of depression prevention and treatment knowledge should reach 80%, and students' awareness of prevention and treatment knowledge should reach 85%。

　　Chen Zhiyan analysis, guide students to visit the school mental health center, set up mental health courses, carry out public lectures related to depression, etc., not only can teach children the necessary psychological knowledge, but also it can allow students to psychological counseling teachers have a sense of closeness and trust, reduce the threshold of external help。However, at present, many schools still have problems such as limited teachers, insufficient class hours and personal privacy protection。

　　For the role of school psychological counseling, Zhang Lishan made an analogy - "triage table"。She believes that the school's psychological counseling room is more to play a guiding and diversion role, such as reminding parents and teachers to pay attention to the child's psychological state, telling parents that children need to go to the hospital to receive professional treatment。

　　"My best friend has depression, how can I help him?In reality, many psychological counselors will encounter such problems。Because teenagers' minds are not yet mature, their ability to deal with such problems is limited, and they may be infected by depression, there may be greater risks for teenagers to help each other。Therefore, Chen Zhiyan reminded that in this situation, through daily science popularization and publicity, tell young people that what they should do most is to encourage friends to ask for help from professionals or teachers。